In Spring 2005, I began seminary after feeling called to ministry, and after four long years, I graduated. Shortly after graduating, I found my first church in a small rural community in Texas. Despite their small numbers, the congregation was warm and welcoming. I worked there for nearly two years, dealing with local raccoons and other wildlife. During this time, my brother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, prompting me to resign and return to Oklahoma to be near my family.
Upon my return to Oklahoma, I quickly assumed the role of interim pastor for a small church that I attended while assisting my brother. Unfortunately, my brother subsequently succumbed to his battle with cancer, and the interim pastor position did not transition into a permanent role. At that time, I was unaware that this marked the onset of my challenges. Over the subsequent three years, I diligently sent out resumes—likely exceeding two hundred—to various church positions. I was resolute about not constraining God’s plan; I was open to serving in any location, regardless of how small or remote the church may be. Most of these applications were directed towards smaller congregations, as I was both inexperienced and still unmarried.
During this time, I would get many opportunities to preach at many of these churches. However, after my sermon they would thank me for coming and tell me they enjoyed my preaching. Then , the meetings would often take a negative and sometimes even inappropriate turns. For starters they would tell sometimes tell me that they COULD NOT hire me because I was single. once a church asked if I viewed inappropriate websites . since I felt like this was a question targeted towards me being single. I asked if they asked all their candidates this same question, they refused to answer. So, I refused to answer their question. This type of encounter happened several times which confused me, because my resume clearly stated that I was single. Why would several churches invite a single preacher to preach for them? Maybe they needed someone to fill their pulpit that week. Of Course I received some letters stating I could not be hired because I was single too.
I went so far as to apply for a missions organizations that was half pastor, half missions. This Missions Organization told me the same thing, after stringing me along at first. I was not qualified to serve with them because I was still single. Although, at first they told me my singleness would not be a problem. As you can imagine by this time my mental state and my psyche was shattered. You can only get knocked down and get back up so many times. Eventually, you get knocked down and you will stay down. To make a long story short for the next ten plus years I worked retail. I quit going to church in 2019. Because lets face it church DO NOT know how to minister to older singles. Most of the time, they DON’T even attempt to try. Church worships Marriage!
The purpose of this blog is to bring awareness to the notion that churches are doing a terrible job at caring for singles. My goal is not to throw The Church “under the bus” rather to call The Church to wake up. Because if She doesn’t the consequences will be devastating. Does one really think that if the Church keeps on ignoring older singles, then one day She suddenly notices them, will come back? Human nature says NO. The Church has to do better before its too late. It is high time The Church got its head out of the sand and stopped making excuses (we don’t having any singles). She needs to start meeting people where they are.
Big Time Bible Verse
Remember Me in Your Prayers